Tuesday, 19 January 2010

Lost or Stolen and Found

I lost my favorite black bag in a mall today. I tried to figure out where it could be gone, checked all the stores and thought it could be stolen but I was not upset enough.
Since childhood, I had this weird religion in me that I was the only member in which I was making a deal, a sacrifice. In Turkey when children loose a belonging they look for it singing a song that tells
"Satan took it away
Could not sell it
Brought it back"
So if  I was in not finding my thing, then I was negotiating with Satan and at the end I was ending up with the deal in such a way that I was totally convinced that I sacrificed and not lost the thing, for a better finding, a more beloved belonging such as my siblings.

Tonight was a hard evening, trying to get home under the snow. I had the same feeling, but I did not know what I would get back instead.

I have just hang up the phone now with someone I was searching in the internet for years, someone very dear and remarkable in my life: my highschool professor of french litterature. He was the one to tell me in private that I should not be in the sciences section, but in letters instead.
Took me looong to find him back. I haven't heard his voice for 18 years now. He was travelling the world.

I own life so much.. for all that it brings back to me.
For all the unfinished coming near.

ps: He wrote back to me saying:
"Quand tu m'as connu, j'avais 32 ans
J'en ai 50 maintenant..
Je t'embrasse
means "when you knew me I was 32, now I am 50". When I met him he was much younger than me now.

Life, beautiful life.. with all the lost or stolen and found.
With all the trees under the snow of winter and those in blossom in summer.

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